My number three turns four

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Raising up a baby for the third time definately has taught me few lessons. One very obvious lesson is every child is different and the same can be said for all three of my pregnancy too. This little M boy, well he is the impatient one.The one who came to the world a tad too early..but nevertheless survived (alhamdulillah) and now are healthy 6 kilos at four months old.

However little M is a quiet baby, he will only make noise (read:cry his hearts out) if he could no longer wait to be fed or need his sleep.Otherwise he is fine on his own self entertaining sucking his fingers or staring at his sister and brother fighting! haha

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happy four month old Mukhriz darling!

A year to be thankful

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Before we end our 2012, we held a small and intimate majlis akikah for my baby Mukhriz. It was on a beautiful Saturday morning, on 22nd of December.

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We had two kambing golek, yummy lauk pauk and coconut jelly. There were about twenty marhaban ladies who came to officiated the event. Thankfully the weather was kind to us, it was sunny in the afternoon then it was drizzling quite a bit  but just for awhile later back to glorious sun.

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My three month-ish boy.

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Dah chubby skit dah dia

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Uhuh..my very “helpful” children

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For this special occasion, I’m quite happy I manage to squeeze the little time that I had to make something for my youngest boy. A handmade mini jubah for him, the hot air balloon mobile hang on the cradle and the cloud pillows. Of course all was not done in a day, took me two weeks to get it all planned, prepared and sew up. The idea of all white and whimsical decoration came when I was pondering in my craft room and it clicked me when I was staring at my own curtain – that is full of hot air balloons and clouds.

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Ever so curious kids
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My cute niece Sarah  & Mike. Haha so cute la these two!17

“THIS is the way to take snap photo laaaa” HAHA
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Ayoo ..it seems someone is busy with his new ip5

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It was indeed a very eventful year for us all, felt almost like a year being pregger, got admitted to the hospital twice before actually went into labour. But all was good, alhamdullilah. And just today, we went for Mia’s school orientation. My girl is going to a big school.Oh wow! Feels surreal! I can’t believe my eldest is all grown up and ready to be a year one student in a big big school.

Anyhow I can’t wait what is instill for me in the next year. I pray to be always blessed by the Al-Mighty. InshaAllah.

Have a great awesome new year peeps and happy holiday 🙂 X

 

The rest of the pictures will be uploaded in flickr like always.

Running in Flats

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How does some mothers (especially with small kids ) walks in high heels? And by that I mean in a shopping mall, from one end to the other. Not sure to either salute you moms or cringe. I think its the latter.

On most days I’m with my flats. It’s comfy and easy on my feet. Very important when you need to handle kids on your own when out & about. As of now, I’m officially a stay at home mom. So thankful my boss approved my extended leave. Actually it has been almost a month+ and this extension leave is until this year end.Gotta make full use of it.

As much I’m loving this extra hour with my kids, its not all a bed of roses. Occasionally Mia and Mike does drives me up the wall, with their bickering with each other, mess up the house and being plain difficult. During those times, I just pray their father to come home quickly and hand them to him. Yes I do get “I don’t like when mommy is so moody and fierce , daddy … ”  So on some days, I tried to chillax and bring them outside for ice-creams, and mommy gets her fix of desserts heh.

Talking about taking them out, I’ve survived going out with my children. Yes, that includes  with my newborn baby. Thank goodness for the love of babywearing, Mukhriz can sleep soundly in the ringsling while I push Mike in the stroller. It helps that Kakak Mia is very understanding and independent too. On a good outing day I reward them with chocolates/ice-creams/toys/books. Once awhile, when we do go out together it keeps me sane rather than all of us being cooped up at home. Housework is a neverending work, sure it wont’ kill you.. but why take the chance? Step outside and take a breather. 🙂

Coming this December I have planned out some activities to keep them occupied – lotsa playground time, visit to the library, museum, arts & craft time and catch up some movies, be it at home or the cinema. I hope this is not too ambitious to materialize it. We shall see about it.

Have a great weekend peeps. And bring it on December 😉

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Our latest M series

Yes, Hello World! Presenting my baby boy – Muhammad Mukhriz born on August 22nd, 2012 – Wednesday, on our fourth day of Hari Raya  (eid dul fitri). Great timing honey!! Well, technically he was supposed to be our September baby (just like his sister and brother) but my guess Allah has better plan for him (and me) .

Basically he was 3 week(ish) early from his edd, due to that he weights only 2 kilos and was put in NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). In fact as I am writing this entry, he is still here in NICU for observation – his weight ; it goes down to 1.8kg two days after his birth and then his jaundice went up and down,and then back up. So far, nothing too serious but of course we pray everyday for his well being. Alhamdulillah, to date he weights 1.95kg and his jaundice level has gone down tremendously. Syukur alhamdulillah.

As to the cause of this preterm birth, I had mild bleeding two weeks leading to his birth and it appears I had contraction every ten minutes.  I was admitted for couple of day as advised by my gynae, until he feels its safe for me to go back home and rest. However, the contraction came back on the night of third day Raya. I kinda knew what it is but as we were back at Kuantan (husband’s hometown) I tried to brush it off and try to stay calm. Of course that night I could not sleep well. I was restless the whole night. The next morning, I felt uncomfortable and turns out my undergarment was covered with fresh blood. We quickly head back to Kuala Lumpur (thankful traffic was not heavy) and we safely arrived at the hospital and the rest is history.

Kakak Mia was overjoyed to see her baby brother. She kept saying, is that him mommy? Can I hold him pleaseeeee?!! O yes we caught that on video. Should be fun to watch it over and over again heh.

Another brother for me to boss around HAHA.

Mike was happy too.

Well, on his own way. After awhile he forgot about his baby brother and kept himself busy with the Ipad.

And just for fun sake, my babies!!!! Hoh boy, I’m officially mommy to THREE kids!

Before I go, I just wanted to say thank you to friends and families who came by to visit us. Thank you so much for your thoughtful, supportive and lovely gifts. And to my dear husband, you’re my rock! Thank you for taking care our kids while I tend to our Mukhriz.

The Dilemma

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this dilemma for quite a while now. And today, I’ve finally make the time to actually sit down and blog away. Just a rant I badly need to let it out.

A working mother’s guilt. Not a day goes by that I don’t question my choice. It’s a guilt I secretly been carrying since the day my eldest was born.I’m begining to question myself about the balance I badly needed in my life.Its just too difficult for me to be the kind of mother I wanted to be, prepared a good healthy meal, clean house, play time with my kids and the list goes on.

My family, my kids are my ultimate priority. But as a full time working mom, who spend 9 hours in the office, 5 days in a week, has become a routine of late, I don’t quite enjoyed anymore. The joy of working, having your own money when you first started out at a young age of 22 years old is not the same when you are at your early 30s and have your own family to care for. For me it has become from I liked to work  to I had to work. When I’m at work, half my brain is at home and vice versa. Sometimes I feel like I can never quite remain in one state of matter long enough to finish everything or anything. So, if I feel this way, why don’t I just quit and stay home, right? Trust me, I’ve thought about it a lot, and I wish it were that easy.

My mom was a homemaker. Growing up with a stay at home mom, I was blessed with home cooked meal, chauffeur to schools, piano lessons, mengaji, tuition and school activities. I now  realize how lucky I was to get her undivided love. I counted my blessing for all the time she’s there for me and my sibling. No doubt there were times I wished she had worked and earn some money of her own, just so we could have the latest toys, coolest shoes/dress that other friends had. Dad work long hours, and often time play golfs with his friends. So mom was basically the one who handle us all,  the one always making sure we completed our homeworks and have a proper meal.  We are happy to be spending our childhood in the comfort of our home. She’s there for us, during our sad times and good times.

I always assumed that I would stay home too once I have kids, like my mom did with my brothers and me, but things changed- I further my study, received scholarship, graduated with a degree and pursue my career. My children may not have the same attention as I did, and that truly breaks my heart. After  my maternity leaves ended, my eldest, Mia , she was send to a babysitter. The same goes with my son, Mike. Despite all that, my daughter Mia grows up to be a smart and beautiful 5 years old girl who loves arts and craft, reading, taking up mandarin and taekwondo and enjoyed attending her montessori school. But she would have to stayed back until 5.30pm until its time for mommy daddy to come and picked her up. Mike, my son, he is a healthy, cheeky and lovable 2 years old boy who has unruly curls to die, for if i may so hehe. For now, this arrangement works best for us.

However, it bothers me will they turn out OK even though they went to day care instead of being home with me? I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I spend an awful lot of time worrying about them. I feel like I’m trying to do so many things at once that in the process, I end up doing none of them well. I can’t help but think that stay-at-home moms are happier because they are not trying to do it all. I do thought about taking some time off and stay at home caring for my kids, but in reality, at this moment I don’t think we can afford with one income. Not in this big city with handful commitments.

My latest concern is when it comes the time for Mia to starts her primary school. She will be starting her standard one in 2013. Yes, that’s next year! What added more the pressure is I am now expecting baby no. 3 . It was not in our ‘roadmap‘ but I believe God has better plan for us. Can I cope with 3 children, a  school-going child, a toddler, a new born baby, full time working and with no helper?  And its just me and my husband in this household. The option of hiring a live-in maid its not in our list (or rather we wish to avoid) . Let’s just say, we have trust issues with maid. Not that we ever had one, but  let’s just not go there. I guess what I’m trying to say here, deep down I yearn for my kids to have the same childhood as I did. It’s torturing me reading up news about missing children, bad influence from friends and so on. It’s physically and mentally challenging raising up kids in a city and be a parent in this era.

I want to be with my children every step of the way, but how do I do that?  When you are away for 9 hours and coming back home to attend to  house chores and kids seeking your attention. What’s left of my energy is not much. I’ve asked couple of friends, how does it feels growing up with a working mom? Do they ever wish at one point of time, they have a full time mommy at home?  Two friends told me, they never regretted it. In fact they learned to be independent and were taught invaluable lessons at a young age. They looked up their mom and idolize her. Its so happen I know their mother personally as well, and truly I admired their success. They brought up not only smart children but well mannered too. They turn out fine! And they are now the second generation working mother. I salute you girls!

That being said, I believe SAHM has their own issues as well. But above all, even tho it may not be a glamorous job, no paid leaves, no breaks, it is the highest salaried jobs, since the payment is pure love. The sacrifices they take up just to look after their loves ones, I say is that is priceless. SAHM, you have my absolute respect! What more if you are working at home mommies. You wonder woman!

I’m glad mom now is enjoying her time, doing what she loves , travelling , gardening and golfing. I would not want to burden her taking care my children, as she had enough taken care of us sibling. This is the time for her to rest, put her feet up and enjoy her days with my dad. You are my idol too mom! x

I guess sometimes this guilt can be a warning signal that I need to make a change in my life. Someday, I hope this guilt will be buried and I’ll strike the balance with work and family time. My kid’s wellbeing is always in my prayers.  At this moment I’m happy I have an amazing husband who supports me, awesome dad to my kids with a great sense of humor. Thanks Ted! I may not say this often, but we do make a great team kan. Love you! And kids, I hope someday you forgive me for the time I may not gives my full attention because mommy is just big little girl, with no superpower who sometimes get cranky and clueless too. But do know, no matter what I will always be there for you in a heartbeat.

On the other hand, have you watched this movie ‘I don’t know how she does it?’ (stars by SJP). Well, working mom I betcha can relate to it as I did. 🙂

Thanks for hearing me out reader.

p/s: im in my second trimester btw. 🙂

When I see your face

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they’re not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She’s so beautiful
And I tell her every day

When I see your face
There’s not a thing that I would change
Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are

xx Bruno Mars

Go hug, kiss her hands and give a peck on her cheeks (Imma gonna do just that!). Your mother deserved it!

Happy Mother’s Day! 🙂

p/s: Behind the picture Mom wrote this – lol! It was taken at her work place.

Something I made for her.